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In the glamorous world of pageantry, Cheslie Kryst stood out not only for her accomplishments but also for her intellect. By the age of 30, she had earned a law degree and an MBA, won the coveted Miss USA title, and became an Emmy-nominated correspondent for Extra. To the public, she appeared as a radiant and lively personality. However, behind the scenes, Kryst struggled with depression and an overwhelming fear of never being enough.
On January 30, 2022, just three months before turning 31, Kryst tragically ended her life, leaving a note for her mother, April Simpkins. Her final wish was for her memoir to be published. Titled By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie’s Smile and Mental Illness, the book, co-authored with Simpkins, explores Kryst’s private battles and the devastating moment her mother discovered her death.
In an exclusive excerpt shared with PEOPLE, Kryst opens up about the immense pressure she faced after winning Miss USA in May 2019. At 28, she became the oldest person to hold the title, but her achievement was quickly overshadowed by online backlash. She remembers deleting hateful messages, including those urging her to take her own life. These experiences only deepened her long-standing insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.
Kryst writes, “All of this only added to my long-standing insecurities — the feeling that everyone around me knew more than I did, that everyone else was better at my job, and that I didn’t deserve this title.” She felt like an imposter, not just in the pageant world but in her career as well.
Despite her success, Kryst struggled with imposter syndrome. She would often analyze her interviews, criticizing herself for not choosing better words or adding humor. Although she tried to compartmentalize these feelings with positive affirmations, the relief was only temporary.
Simpkins also contributes to the memoir, recalling the gut-wrenching moment she received a text from Kryst on that tragic day. The message began, “First, I’m sorry. By the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore.” Simpkins shares the immense pain she felt, struggling to comprehend the words and realizing that her vibrant daughter was gone.
She writes, “My brain couldn’t register the words on the screen. I read them again and screamed from a place in my soul that I didn’t know existed. Inhale. Exhale. If I stopped telling my body how to breathe, I would die.”
Despite her overwhelming grief, Simpkins knew she had to fulfill her daughter’s last wish. She believes that sharing their story could help others dealing with mental health challenges. “I knew it was important to share this,” Simpkins says. “I knew there are other people who felt what I was feeling and could relate.”
By the Time You Read This is not just a memoir; it’s a call to action. The book’s proceeds will support the Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation, which aims to provide mental health resources for youth and young adults. Through this foundation, Kryst’s legacy continues, offering vital support for those struggling with mental health issues.
Kryst’s story is a poignant reminder that outward success and appearances can often conceal inner struggles. Her memoir shines a light on the hidden battles many face, urging us to prioritize mental health and offer support to those in need.
At her funeral, Simpkins recalls thinking, “I have to survive this because my family shouldn’t have to bury me so soon after losing Cheslie.” She held onto this thought as a lifeline, determined to share the cherished memories and stories of her daughter with the world.
In sharing their journey, Kryst and Simpkins hope to break the stigma surrounding mental health and inspire others to seek help. Their story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of love in the face of unimaginable pain.
By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie’s Smile and Mental Illness is a heartfelt and powerful memoir that provides a rare glimpse into the private struggles of a remarkable woman. It’s a must-read for anyone affected by mental illness or seeking a deeper understanding of the complexities of the human mind.